…I cannot stress how much I truly appreciate you delivering to us “The Hunger Games” movie. I also must include how grateful and impressed I am that you have cast the mind-blowingly talented Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss Everdeen; judging by the trailers, the footage I have seen, the casting and the general aesthetic of the film I’ve had the privilege of viewing thus far I must say it seems you’re doing a very admirable job, indeed.

 However, can you just release it now? Please? I’m sick of waiting. I’m going fucking crazy. March 23rd is too goddamn far away. This is fuckery of the highest order. Hear my cry, this frenzied plea from a devoted fan boy’s heart that echos across the nation. I’ll make sure a lot of people buy tickets. I’ll bring everyone I’ve ever met in the history of my twenty-one years on earth. I’ll bring Whitney Houston back from the dead and make her buy 3,000 tickets, ‘cause I just know her foremost priority upon returning from death will be to see “The Hunger Games” with 2,999 other people. We don’t wanna deny her that, do we? She’s been through so much. 

 Please take this into consideration, and let me know if you intend to oblige my feverish, desperate request. Thank you very much, and I hope the odds are in my favor.

       Yours truly,

       Billy.