1. Which fictional character would you most like to have lunch with and why?

Most likely Albus Dumbledore. I would love to have a conversation with him, and lay all my problems out on the table for him so he can give me advice embedded with brilliant threads of wisdom. That guy was a fucking genius.

2. Who would you say is your “anti” role model? Someone who serves as a warning rather than an inspiration?

Hmmm. Probably Fred Phelps, the guy who runs the Westboro Baptist Church. They picket the funerals of soldiers, victims of hate crimes, and celebrities who advocate gay rights. I truly believe that they are currently the most evil, heartless and ignorant organization operating right now. Religious fanaticism irritates me, but when it’s used in a way that devastates people in an already-vulnerable and heartbroken condition, (like the bereaved loved ones at the funerals) it’s nothing short of despicable. Another (less infuriating) example would have to be the Paris Hilton-Jersey Shore-kind of celebrity, one who demonstrates absolutely no intellect or talent whatsoever yet remains in the public eye, collecting obscene amounts of paychecks for their stupidity. 

3. What’s your least “politically correct” opinion?

Probably that most Asians are annoyingly dull, overly-focused people that find “fun” to be a completely foreign concept. Maybe I’m being way too honest here. I swear I’m not a racist. 

4. What kind of underwear do you imagine Sherlock Holmes wears?\

Never gave the matter much thought. 

5. What’s one of the most difficult things you’ve ever had to do?

Come out of the closet. I wasn’t as ballsy at age fourteen as I am now, so it was definitely excruciating. For two months after my admission I fucking hated myself. The whole thing really is a hyper-sensitive and precarious issue, and anyone struggling with coming out has my deepest sympathies. 

6. If you were an element on the Periodic Table, which would you be and why?

I guess hydrogen? I drink a shitload of water.

7. What’s the most infuriating thing your parents (or caregiver) do?

Everything, essentially. 

8. Which Disney Princess do you most identify with and why? Which is your favourite and why? And yes- ANYONE can answer this question.

Belle is definitely my favorite. She’s probably the most admirable princess because she’s an avid reader who doesn’t give a fuck what the other villagers think of her, and she overlooks what the Beast looks like and falls in love with him anyway. I identify most with Cinderella, she persists through the adversity of her awful fucking household, and the bitch has faith in her dreams. 

9. You’re an Action Movie Hero. What’s your weapon of choice and the line you scream when defeating your arch enemy?

I’d probably be something really dark, twisted and maybe a bit sexual. Think Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman in “Batman Returns.” Only in male form. Don’t worry, I’ve definitely realized the intensely gay quality of that answer. I really can’t develop a victory line. 

10. What’s the silliest fan theory you’ve ever come up with?

Whew, that’s hard. It really wasn’t a solid theory, but a momentary fear. As I was reading “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows,” there was a brief moment in one of the early chapters where Harry, Ron and Hermione are discussing Horcruxes and Hermione explains that the only way to repair your soul after creating a Horcrux is to feel painful remorse. For a second I was terrified that during the end of the book Lord Voldemort would like…fall to his knees and beg forgiveness for all the fucked-up shit he’s done. Mercifully, that was not the case. Harry gave him the chance and wasn’t having that shit. 

11. What did you think about before you fell asleep last night?

First, I replay the events of the previous day in my head and examine them, way too much. WAY too much. Then that usually leads me to think of other, random unrelated topics and this goes on for hours and hours until fatigue mercifully settles in as the sun is coming up.

12. What’s the oddest term of endearment you’ve ever used or that someone’s used for you?

Oh my god. I’m actually notorious for developing really twisted, deranged terms of endearment. Some that come to mind are “kitten sponge,” “sushi magnet,” “daisy vacuum,” etc. 

13. What motivates you in life?

Terror. 

14. What was something you used to enjoy, but was ruined for you? What’s the story behind that?

I used to live for smoking weed. During all four years of high school, marijuana was my closest friend. I was high ALL THE TIME. In school, out of school, whatever. Then, a few months after I graduated, I suddenly started getting really intense panic attacks every time I smoked. I quit for a while, then picked it up again, and nothing had changed. Now, I can’t smoke weed unless I pop a few xanax beforehand so my heart doesn’t explode.

15. How do you think you will fare when the Zombie Apocalypse arrives?

I’m not even gonna bother trying to survive. I’m just gonna run to the nearest pharmacy, gank as many painkillers and xanax as I possibly can, then kiss the world good-bye with a motherfucking smile on my face. 

16. Which mythological creature are you most like? Why? And if you could be any mythological creature, which would you want to be? Why?

I’m really not sure I’m like any particular mythological creature. I’m sure everyone would like to say they’re a phoenix rising from their ashes or some shit like that. If I could be any mythological creature, I’d probably want to be a Griffin. 

17. Write a brief story about an actual adventure you’ve had.

Last night I purchased a McFlurry. There was not enough Oreo in it to satisfy me. But I consumed the whole frozen treat regardless. 

18. Describe one of the most awkward experiences of your life.

One night I was at a friend-of-a-friend’s house and I was fifteen or sixteen years old. The kid whose house it was happened to be gay, and wanted to get with me. Naturally, because he was handsome and pretty cool, I obliged. We went upstairs and about twenty seconds after we started making out I hear the door burst open, someone start wailing, and suddenly this guy I was making out with is cursing loudly and running out the door. Turns out the mysterious intruder was his girlfriend, who got a full glimpse of me all up on her man. I had to have my stepbrother meet me in some random parking lot in East Islip because I immediately bolted out the door and ran away for a few minutes until I found that parking lot and begged my stepbrother to come to my rescue.

19. What’s something that scares you about the future?

That my demons will derail me and prevent me from having one. 

20. List 5 quirky things about yourself.

1) I find pickles to be worthy of illegality.

2) Reality TV infuriates me, unless drag queens are involved.

3) On the outside, I’m a pale goth rocker who listens solely to hard rock and  metal, and this is true. But on the inside, I’m very much a sassy black  woman, and she comes out of me every now and then. Rock/Metal is  definitely my shit, but my other true love is R&B, Soul, Jazz & the Blues.

4) I’m obsessed with cheap 8o’s fantasy movies.

5) I have a higher power, and her name is Amy Winehouse.

21. Describe your dream library.

Anything that resembles the library the Beast gives Belle in “Beauty & the Beast.”

22. What’s the weirdest item you’ve ever mourned?

No idea.

23. If you could design an amusement park ride, what would it be like?

My ideal design for an amusement park would probably be way too dangerous to ever properly construct. People would fall out. I don’t wanna be responsible for that fuckery.

24. Do you have any “rules” about food?

No. Fucking. Pickles. 

25. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

I’m really liberal with age margins. It really all depends on who is involved, and what their ages are. Obviously if someone in their 3o’s is dating a teenager, clearly that shit is whack. 

26. What’s something you want to do that you’d be embarrassed to tell other people about?

I’d like to start a charitable organization that helps kids from rough backgrounds or broken homes realize their full potential or at the very least give them someone to talk to. Especially kids with questionable mental health, or a history with addiction or legal issues. I know it’s not really groundbreaking and there’s most likely plenty of these already established, but I think I could do a really good job of it. 

27. Describe a time/event in your life that you’re nostalgic for.

Summer 2009. I spent half the summer in Boston, ‘cause my best friend was living there at the time and I would literally work for a few days, hop a bus to Beantown, and stay at her apartment for like a week. Her roommates were awesome and didn’t even care that I was constantly sleeping on their couch. We always had a fucking blast and there was a party every night. I was also in the midst of the early stages of a relationship and it’s safe to say I was really head-over-heels in love. 

28. How do you approach social situations?

I don’t have much of a pre-planned strategy. I’m always extraordinarily comfortable in any kind of social situation and I suppose my “approach” would be to just be myself. It can be argued that I do put in a bit of effort, because sometimes I’ll try to be more charismatic or witty or crack more jokes than I would under normal circumstances. 

29. What is your ideal bed? Why?

Anything super soft and fluffy. I’d definitely love one of those mattresses that are so soft it’s almost like they swallow you whole when you collapse on them. It would also require a lot of feather comforters and at least seven pillows.